Observations vs. Complaints and a menacing DEMON

I am fond of saying that I am NOT complaining, just making an observation. I'm not sure that anyone actually buys it, but I like saying it anyway.
I began tonight by entering the box in a little $2-4 limit HE game. This game, like so many others these days, was populated by several unknown faces. Invariably, these new faces are internet players making their first foray in a B&M card room. The first three pots that I pushed resulted in me grabbing a handfull of air. Translation: the winners of these pots chose to withold any gratuity. During this 30 minutes of work, this happened 7 more times for a grand total of 10 air balls. I can honestly say that this set a new personal 30 minute record for me.
The dealer that relieved me from that game later told me that her experience in that game was much like mine.........BUT.... she overheard some of the "new faces" discussing how much the dealers must make because of all of the money going down into that "little hole" . I am laughing as I type this... TOO funny! They thought that the dealers were pocketing the rake! Of course she took that opportunity to explain the rake and to point out in her most non-hustling manner that her toke box was hanging there beside her.
I don't attribute my performance for the rest of the night to that inauspicious start, but it was not my best night. Sometimes things just don't "feel" right. In fact, a few hours later, I dropped the deck after the turn. I hadn't done that for a LONG time. I'm probably my own worst critic and I HATE it when I make a bone-head mistake like that. I tend to beat myself up when my performance is sub par.
In spite of it all, I later dealt to a player that I had not seen for several months. She is one of the nicest people that I have ever had the pleasure of dealing to. A few hands into my down at her table, she commented to me that I had, in her absence, become much more experienced and that I now dealt with so much confidence. Well, hell, I wish that she could see me on a "good" night. That is assuming that I ever have a good night again. I get a chance to redeem myself, at least in my own eyes, in about13 hours.
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For about as long as I can remember I have had a passion for messing with Lady Luck. I can remember "sneaking" into the Lonaconing Republican Club and helping my grandfather open those little "tip-jar" packets that contained five little pieces of paper with a number printed on them. The packets cost 50 cents each and if your packet contained certain numbers, you instantly won money. There were also 30 numbers that ended with 00. These were called "holders" and you held those until all of the tickets from the jar were sold. At that point, a foil seal was opened and under the seal there was a number that ended with 00. If your holder number matched the number under the seal, you won $100. He would also occasionally allow me to play the poker machines that were prolific but not legal in our neck of the woods. As I grew older I heard stories of my grandfather going to the racetrack on payday. On several occasions he would lose his entire pay. Apparently he was able to borrow money from the butcher so that my grandmother would not know that he had gambled away his entire pay. I also heard stories of my grandmother putting the kid's (my dad and aunts) lunch money in the slot machines at the VFW. I guess my point is that I get my gambling honestly.
November 2004 was a decidedly bad month for me. I KNOW that there is no reasonable chance of ever beating the slot machines, but the machines have always been my money pit of first resort. I decided that if I was going to continue to live in Las Vegas that I needed to prove to myself that I had at least a little bit of control over the situation. As of today (12/13) I have not "invested" a penny of my money in a machine for ONE MONTH AND 13 DAYS. Goody for Me!
Look out when I fall off of THAT wagon.