Insanity and Something to Look Forward to

A new guy sits in the 6s.

Me: Sir, you can wait and come in behind the button for free OR you can pay $2 for a hand now, but you will not get the button.

Him: Silence, combined with a deer in the headlights look.

Me: Sir, what would you like to do?

Him: Yeah

Me: Sir, what would you like to do?

Him: Yeah

What the hell does Yeah mean. Is that even remotely an answer to the question I asked?

I have been warned by veteran dealers to avoid giving players options. This advice is stored somewhere in the back of my mind. I dealt around him while rolling my eyes up into my head.

********

Me: Sir, I cannot deal you a hand while you are on the cell phone.
Him #2: Dazed and confused look while continuing to talk on the phone.
Me: I dealt around him.
Him #2: (Angrily) Why didn't you deal me a hand?
Me: Because you are on the phone.

What part of " I cannot deal you a hand while you are on the cell phone" didn't you understand?

Gigantic sigh.............

********

All hell has broken loose in the poker rooms of Las Vegas.

Humanity unleashed.

They've come from near and far to battle variance and lady luck. The noise level is deafening. The heat is unbearable. The idiotic antics should be amusing, but are merely an annoyance. The lack of understanding and respect for the basic laws of brick and mortar poker etiquette make me cringe. Is it over yet?

********

It isn't just the neophytes. Today a poker-made-millionaire lost his hand because he didn't protect it. NO! I didn't scoop it into the muck by mistake. He was in the 10s. The 3s "tossed" his cards toward the muck and they both mingled with the 10s cards. Dead hand.

Why, oh why must players loft their cards toward the heavens? Just set them down and push them an inch or two forward. Is that too difficult to do? Really?

********

Last Friday a new, but local, face was in the 8s of a $2-4 game. He was mid 20ish I would guess. As I pushed into the game he tossed me $1. (I asked a few other dealers and this was his MO, so it wasn't just me) I joked that a little attempted bribery never hurt anyone. Throughout my down I pushed him a few pots and he toked on every one of them. The last hand I dealt, he again won. Again, he toked. As I was exiting the box he said "Wait, here's something else for you.....and make sure you read it"

(again, I asked other dealers and they did NOT receive a similar item)

I started to move toward my next table while reading what he gave me.

Are you ready for this?




WTF??

The last time I checked, I didn't have a vaginal and it certainly didn't need any cream.
I can't even begin to imagine the meaning of it all.

I've read plently of restaurant server blogs and one of their major gripes is when patrons leave "Jesus Tracts" instead of a monetary tip. I'm willing to bet that none of them have ever received a pen like this as a toke.

I suppose that I'll never be able to say that I've "seen it all" in a poker room, but this pen certainly gets added to the list.

I once found a pair of dirty, used-to-be-white socks with holes in them on the floor in the poker room but that's another story for another day.

********

My little buddy turns 5 on July 3rd. On July 4th he, as well as my sister and my parents land in Las Vegas. David decided that for his 5th birthday he wanted to come to Uncle Wayne's and have a Poker Chip Party. So he has wished, so be it.

Now all I have to do is figure out what, exactly, a poker chip party is. He is getting a set of poker chips as one of his gifts from me, so maybe that will suffice.

I can't wait for their visit. I get to play tourist for 4 days.

David on his new bike.